I've had some pain lately that could best be described as an achy coochy. (Is this a good time to remind you that sometimes my blog will tell you more than you wanted to know? Consider this a secondary warning.) What I mean is that when I sit down, I can feel an ache in the area from my colon to the front of my body where my bladder would be. I can't tell you exactly which thing is causing the pain, just that it sort of aches. Sometimes it isn't too bad. Other times I have to go sit on my bed on my hands and knees and rock myself back and forth while hoping that the pain pill I just took kicks in soon. Now, the usual plan is that I take a long-term pain pill in the morning that will last me through the day and then I can take another in 12 hours that will last me through the night. If I need something more, I can take a short-term pill that will hopefully keep me from "chasing the pain." When the pain is managed properly, I might notice an occasional twinge, but in general it isn't anything to keep me from doing things around the house or going places. I do, however, have some part of every single day where I feel some of this pain, so I'm still working on how to manage it properly.
Today I felt pretty good when I woke up, which was wonderful, because I was unable to sleep last night due to the pain until around 12:30 am. So to wake up and not feel too bad was great. I was able to straighten the house, put away dishes, clean out the fridge, clean out a shelf in my pantry, do some writing and a few other things. Then I felt tired, so I laid down for a little bit and took about an hour nap. When I woke up, I could feel the twinge that meant I would have some pain heading my way after a while. I tried not taking anything this time, and I can tell you that was the wrong choice. I've now lost about four hours to: take the long-term pill you didn't take in the morning, take a short-term pill to chase the pain, lay down and rock yourself to sleep for a little bit, drink a bunch of water in case that helps wash anything away that might be hurting you, eat an everything bagel in the hopes that will settle your stomach and keep it from getting any worse with the addition of heartburn or indigestion, lay back down again, try to watch some TV, change out all of your colostomy stuff, lay back down again, take an ibuprofen.
I have found in just the past couple of days that whatever this achy thing is, an ibuprofen or two does help it ease for a while. I think that's why it eased up during the night, because I finally took two ibuprofen (not one of my usual pills). So now it is mid-afternoon, and at this rate I doubt I'll get anything much done for the rest of the day, but I can at least sit here for a bit without crying or rocking myself. There are bubbles going back and forth in my colostomy, so I suspect I have some sort of upset going on with that. The goal now is to keep myself in balance by taking my evening pill on time as I should and monitoring the rest of it in case I need another ibuprofen. I think some of this is nutritional as well, as I've eaten differently over the past few days and I haven't made my organic juice as I should. It's easy to say you are going to do everything perfectly to heal yourself when you are in this situation, but trust me, you will have days where you just cannot bring yourself to make juice or sort pills or whatever, and you have to force yourself to do the right thing and say no to that dessert or yes to getting up and making that juice in the morning.
And then, after a few hours of feeling like crap and fighting the pain, you will rededicate yourself to the plan you have built to cure your disease. As in, tomorrow morning I can guarantee you that I will be back on the straight and narrow when it comes to making and drinking my organic juice. There is almost nothing that three days of organic juice fasting won't set right again, so that's what I will do. It helps to continually evaluate your goals as well. For me, it isn't enough to see myself healed at some random point in the future. I have family moving in with me in October, so my goals are built around that. What I would really like to happen is to continue with my protocols through September and October and then have a scan in November that will show NO tumor in my abdomen. And once that tumor is gone, that means I can have the colostomy re-routed back to where colons are supposed to go. It also means I could have the stent removed from my left ureter. With the stent removed and the colon back to normal, that would remove two serious causes of pain in my abdomen, making it a lot easier to define what is hurting me and what is healing and coming back to "normal." And since I would then have family living here, I would have the help I needed for taking care of dogs and house and such, if I have those surgeries. And you know I love it when a plan comes together.
I feel very positive, despite the hours of pain and the daily efforts to figure out my body, that I can heal, that the tumor in my abdomen right now is shrinking and will disappear, that I may need to spend a lifetime staying on top of these bad cells but that it CAN be done. I don't know what it will mean in the long term, as it does seem odd to get a death sentence only to find myself healthier at the end of it than ever before. Not sure how I will explain that to everyone, but I know my loved ones will be happy for it, even if it is unexpected. And if I got run over by a Dolly Madison truck tomorrow crossing the street? Well, at least I was happy and hopeful today! And that's what counts.
|Some days all you can do is nap until you feel better.|